I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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