I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
