I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
