I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
