there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
