I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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