I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
