it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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