Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
