Small penises have feelings too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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