someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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