I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
