what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
