hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
