Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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