Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Randomize
