seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
