My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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