playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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