my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
