someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
