Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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