dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
