omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
