drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
