just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
