no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
