K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
