Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
