i love accidental penises.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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