You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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