I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
