Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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