He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
