well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
