I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just tell him i said nine months
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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