In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
