onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
