she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My liver just had a heart attack.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
