Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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