so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
