I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
