I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
