Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
