I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
