was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
