Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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