i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
