I have demons in me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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