i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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