I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
