I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
