you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
