fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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