She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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