Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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