the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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