Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
