ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
