How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
