This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
